A 'Missing Mia' day

There are days I think I am doing better.
I am not crying through every conversation and this hole in my chest hurts a little bit less and I think that, yes, I am going to make it through this.
And then there are nights like tonight. I am thankful nights like this are few and far between, but when the waves of sadness and sorrow come they nearly take my breath away.
I miss her tonight. I miss her a lot.
It didn't start out as overwhelming sadness. I was just sad. I stayed at home and watched crime shows on TV and I made Mac and Cheese for lunch and even managed to eat half a bowl and I tweezed my eyebrows (Probably not the best idea for today!) 
It started out as just being sad. I don't go back to work until the New Year and while I'm grateful for time off (God knows I needed it) the silence around my house is so freaking loud. I sit there and there's nothing to distract me, nothing to stop me from missing her.
I sent a text to a friend this afternoon, telling her I was having a hard 'missing Mia' day. She never replied.
I had to have this conversation I didn't want to have about what I'm going to do with my life and the only answer I can come up with is I have no idea. I thought I knew, once. Before grief and my dead daughter, I knew what I wanted to do. I was taking classes and working towards it and I was going to have this dream job. And while I can still do this job and I am still taking classes, I don't know if I want to. I don't know what I want to do.

I just miss her tonight. I feel so lost, and alone, and angry. I feel like I've written a million words tonight trying to calm myself down and I threw things at the wall and pulled my hair until strands of it came out when I pulled my hands away.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel like I should know. This is my life, I'm supposed to know. But I feel so lost, and I don't know.
I just don't know anymore.