Tuesday 30 July 2013

What's new

I haven't slept in days.
I went to bed early last night only to play Angry Birds on my phone and toss and turn until well after midnight.
The insomnia is new.
Unfortunately the hole in my chest is not new. The feeling like I am breaking apart, that's not new.
Seeing her in the faces of everyone I meet, that's new.
Staring at walls for hours on end and walking into rooms and forgetting what I came there for, that's new.
Wearing the same shirt for days on end, that's not new.
The pile of unwashed dishes in my sink is new, and the laundry that I haven't done in days.
What's not new is the way my heart stops... and then starts again every time I think of her. It's just for a moment, not very noticeable to anyone but me, and only when I'm paying attention.
The self destruction is new. Or just back now after an absence.
Feeling like I don't want to breathe, that I don't want this to be my life, that's not new.

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